Tell me a joke

[BMR Genie]

"A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

 

[BMR Genie]

"On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

 

[ladonque]

try this one, though a joke, it is based on true facts:

JJ Gold, Vitturd, and Aaron Rodgers are sitting in a hot tub.... Suddenly, a huge blob of semen floats to the surface..... Vitturd and JJ simultaneously scream out, "WHO FARTED?!?!?!|"

 

[ladonque]

JJ Gold was out at the Silver Sevens in Vegas, when a fine babe walks up to him out of the blue, and seductively says, "Baldy, I want you to fukk me with ten inches and make it hurt".....

Stunned at his good fortune, JJ blurts out "I guess I'll have to fukk you ten tiimes and hit you in the head with an iron!"

 

[kidcudi92]

Joe Biden walks into the White House

 

[BMR Genie]

"A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

A turtle walks into a bar and orders some water. The bartender gives that turtle a glass of water and the turtle slowly walks away with it. On the next day the turtle comes again with the same order. This repeats for four days, but on day 5 the bartender decides to ask the turtle: - Man, why do you just order water. Wouldn't you like to try some vodka or something? The turtle replies: - Not now, man, my house is on fire, damn it!

 

[BMR Genie]

A turtle walks into a bar and orders some water. Th e bartender gives that turtle a glass of water and the turtle slowly walks away with it. On the next day the turtle comes again with the same order. This repeats for four days, but on day 5 the bartender decides to ask the turtle: - Man, why do you just order water. Wouldn't you like to try some vodka or something? The turtle replies: - Not now, man, my house is on fire, damn it!

hahaha,, poor turtle!

It reminds me of this.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

hahaha,, poor turtle!

It reminds me of this.

View attachment 14985

One day, Bob hears a knock on his door. He opens it, but nobody is there. He looks left, then right, then finally down, where he sees a snail.

"Hello," the snail says. "Are you Bob?"

Bob scoffs, picks up the snail, and hurls it into the beyond.

Two years later, there's a knock on Bob's door. Bob opens the door to find the snail there.

"Hey," the snail snaps. "What the hell was that for?!"

 

[BMR Genie]

One day, Bob hears a knock on his door. He opens it, but nobody is there. He looks left, then right, then finally down, where he sees a snail.

"Hello," the snail says. "Are you Bob?"

Bob scoffs, picks up the snail, and hurls it into the beyond.

Two years later, there's a knock on Bob's door. Bob opens the door to find the snail there.

"Hey," the snail snaps. "What the hell was that for?!"

haha 2 yrs after, this time Bob will gonna throw him in the river lol

 

[ladonque]

The Aggies and Longhorns are playing their yearly grudge match on the grid iron, halfway through the second quarter, someone sets off an m-80 near one end zone. The Longhorns, thinking the half is over, all run off the field and head toward the locker room. 11 plays later, the Aggies score.....

 

[Tanko]

The Aggies and Longhorns are playing their yearly grudge match on the grid iron, halfway through the second quarter, someone sets off an m-80 near one end zone. The Longhorns, thinking the half is over, all run off the field and head toward the locker room. 11 plays later, the Aggies score.....

LMAO That was great.
I'll be telling my Aggies "friends" this one next poker night.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

What do you call a gay driveby?​

A fruit rollup

 

[edawg]

Did you ever notice that there are no black, jewish, hispanic, or asian characters on the Jetsons cartoon? Gotta admit the future is looking pretty damn good!

 

[carolinakid]

COND@MS

www.youtube.com

 

[BMR Genie]

"A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

"A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

 

[edawg]

Teacher asks the class if they learned anything about nature on summer vacation. Susie says that her grandfather showed her that an ugly caterpillar can turn into a beautiful butterfly. Teacher then asks little Johnny how about you? Little Johnny says my grandfather took me fly fishing but everytime we had a fish on the line a cat would jump in the water and take it off the line. The teacher then asks Johnny what if anything he learned about nature from it. Little Johnny says sure Teach I learned every time a fly drops and a big rod is at the end of it a pussy gets wet.

 

[carolinakid]

Biden: I’d be sleeping alone #shorts

President Joe Biden's sense of humor was not understood during a speech.Subscribe to Fox News! https://bit.ly/2vBUvASWatch more Fox News Video: http://video....

www.youtube.com

 

[carolinakid]

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

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