Tell me a joke

[RRsilver]

One Saturday just before supper, Johnny's sweet wife sends him to the store to pick up a few things. Bread, milk and what not. As he is driving by the local watering hole, he noticed a few of his work mates were there. He thought he would stop by for just one, before going back home. One, turned into two, then three, and so on. He stayed out all night drinking, and doing only God knows what all.
Sunday morning while the wife was getting ready for church, Johnny rolls in, still drunk, and feeling the effects of the all nighter. He looks at his sweet wife and says "honey I feel terrible, head aches, sick stomach and just over all bad, would you pray for me so maybe I will get to feeling better. She said she would, and started "dear Lord would you please help my poor drunk husband.. " then all of a sudden he interrupts, and says "don't tell him I'm drunk you damn fool, tell him I'm sick!"

 

[kostasmalina]

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

 

[BMR Genie]

"Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field?



A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver."

 

[kidcudi92]

Joe Biden walks up stairs or at all

 

[maltedhopsfrenzy]

 

[BMR Genie]

"In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen"

 

[BMR Genie]

"While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?""

 

[kostasmalina]

How many crypto miners does it take to change a light bulb?

A hundred thousand!
One miner to change it, and 99,999 to determine who gets the credit.

 

[kostasmalina]

After years of Investing and Careful Trading I finally have a Six figure Portfolio thanks to Crypto.







Current Balance: $10.0001

 

[kostasmalina]

How to have $1 Million worth of Crypto Currencies




Start off with $2 Million

 

[kostasmalina]

If I had a penny for every crashing crypto, I would have a bitcoin.

 

[RRsilver]

If you think the term Trackhoe came from picking up whores at the Talladega race.
You might be a red neck.



It's bad I Know, a RR original.

 

[kostasmalina]

My local butcher's has started accepting crypto as payment. But only proof of steak.

 

[kostasmalina]

There's this new cryptocurrency called Decibel.​

It's a sound investment.

 

[kostasmalina]

Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"
"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend.

 

[BMR Genie]

"Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets. So, he decided to take advantage of it. One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!" His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?" "Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face. When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!" Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?" "Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face. The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman. He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!" The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!""

 

[RRsilver]

What would you try and tell, a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you have already explained it twice!

 

[JDS]

How to have $1 Million worth of Crypto Currencies




Start off with $2 Million

I don’t understand your disdain for Bitcoin/crypto. The market this year has been very healthy overall.

 

[maltedhopsfrenzy]

What would you try and tell, a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you have already explained it twice!

A classic that my dad would’ve said, and wouldn’t pass now with the ‘woke’ B.S.

 

[sleepy_mario]

A Man goes to a Lawyer.

M: What's your fee?
L: $1000 for 3 questions.
M: Wow...isn't that a bit expensive?
L: Yes it is. What is your third question?